Jordan and I stood beside Abigail’s crib on New’s Years Day right after midnight to whisper happy New Year to her. We stood there watching her sleep, and Jordan leaned over and whispered, “This could be a big year for us. This could be the year Abigail starts sitting or standing or walking.” I just looked at him and smiled.
A new year usually brings hope, change, and a sense of renewal, but for me the new year has been different. I am scared a lot of times that things will not change, and nothing will be different this year than last year. The doctors have warned us that if Abigail begins to regress in her progress that could be a very bad sign that something is very wrong, so this fear is always in the back of my mind. Will this be the day, the week, the year that Abigail does not improve? Will she always be like this and will dependent on us her whole life? Am I able and ready to care for her in the capacity that she needs? These are all fears that run through my mind as this new year begins.
But then I think of those simple, whispered words, “this could be the year….” This could be the year, and I am filled with hope. Lysa Terkeurst wrote in one of her blogs, “I want God’s truth to the loudest voice in my life.” What a powerful thought to remember. In all the unknowns, negativity, and evil happening in the world today lies fill our heads. We lose our hope and joy as we survey our lives so often. If you are anything like me you try to map out the future, and it is not always good. But God is good, and His plans are good. His Truth must reign in our minds and in our lives.
His Truth that says He makes nothing wrong or with flaws. His Truth that says that children are a blessing, and arrows to be used to fight the evil one. His Truth that says children precious in His sight. And these truths are like balm to my soul. My sweet child is perfectly and wonderfully made. She is a mess and a half. She now knows how to take her socks off, and if she could take her other clothes off she would have them off too. She lifts her shirt for you to tickle her tummy. She has the best giggle I have ever heard. It is hilarious to watch her try to sit up. She can really only lift her head, but her face shows how hard she is straining. She reaches out for everything in sight, but then does not want to really touch anything. Since most of her teeth have come in now, she clicks them together and Jordan says she sounds like a little zombie. Jordan also calls her Grabigail because she loves to grab his face and beard, and she is really strong when she wants to be. Any funny face or noise sets off her giggle box. She is beautiful inside and out, and I would not trade her for the world.
So even though all the worries and fears of what tomorrow will hold will remind I am sure, I still hope and pray this will be the year. This will be the year we see Abigail exceed expectations. The year our family grows in new ways. The year I let God’s voice and His Truth reign in my life instead of fear, doubt, and worry. This could be the year that leads to better years ahead.