Wouldn’t it be wonderful to never worry?? To not have to wonder why this situation has happened to you. Why that relationship failed. How the next bill will be paid. Worry takes a lot of our time, our thoughts and our energy. If you are anything like me you start to worry about one little thing and your mind then thinks of a thousand other worries to add to it.
I used to worry about Abigail a lot. When we were first discovering she was different I just knew she would have a fatal syndrome or disease that would cause her life to be shortened. I also always jump to the worst conclusions. My motto is plan for the worst and expect the worst to happen. Well Abigail could not be healthier! She is simply behind developmentally. So our worries have lessened with each test we have taken. Now we can even laugh when the doctor says it is all clear like last week.
I still have mama worries (I call them this because Daddy does not worry about them). Like last night I worried as she had a little head cold and started to cough in her sleep. But other than those simple mama worries, which 99.9% of the time turn out to be nothing, our worries have gone down dramatically.
Abigail is one of the healthiest and happiest toddlers you will meet. And we love her to pieces. Everyone does. I would not change Abigail in any way because how she is fits her little personality. I wish everyone could meet her to see what I was talking about. God made her special in so many ways. I think as we have come to know Abigail, we have accepted this is how she is. Do I pray her for her quality of life to improve as she gets older? Of course. I do not want her confined to a wheelchair for life or to be solely dependent on us forever. However, I am at peace with whatever happens in the future. Abigail will always be who God has meant for her to be.
This peace about Abigail has not happened over night. But by seeking Gods face and filling my mind with His Truth I know that He can handle this situation much better than I can. He knows Abigail inside and out. So Abigail is in His able hands. I am just blessed God gave her to us to raise. Abigail has taught us a lot as we have traveled in the midst of the unknown with her. She allows us to build our faith and trust in God daily. She brings joy and life into our home. And she teaches me contentment and peace on a daily basis.
We all travel in the unknown at times. Whether it is with a relationship, while searching for a job, or struggling through a sickness. We go through times we just do not have the answers we want. These times are scary, confusing and often times of lonely. But in those times I have found that peaceful surrender is the key. Letting go of the situation and letting God take the reins. Fully relying on God in all matters. God is continually teaching me reliance on Him, but it is worth it. Because when the load is on God, my shoulders become free to be able to see what is important in life and I can focus on God and not the problem.
I Surrender All is a powerful hymn. It is also a hymn I rarely sing because I do not surrender it all usually. Most of the time I want control. I want to fix the problem and take care of the situation. But mostly I end up simply worrying about the situation and making it worse. But when you can surrender it all to God – when you can say, “here Lord, take it all. Take all of me.” Then in that place of full surrender you can find freedom and a peace unlike any other.