My Dependence

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Me trying to help her up, but Abigail is trying to sit up on her own.

As a parent, praise about your child is the best thing you can hear. There is just a sense of pride about your children at all times, and when someone else expresses just a pinch of what you feel everyday it is wonderful! Today it was Abigail’s therapists that bragged on her. These ladies have been working with Abigail for about 8 months now, so they have been with her for about half of her life. They knew the 7 month old baby girl I brought in that could not even lift her own head and could barely even look at toys much less play with any of them. But today, therapy was a different story. Today Abigail sat on her little play bench and picked up toys and dropped them in a bucket. Today she loved reaching for bubbles and rattles that the therapist put in front of her. Today she even stood on her own two feet and was somewhat happy about it. Today she was amazing!

Abigail is growing up. She is still dependent on us for nearly everything from moving around, to eating, to caring for all the necessities of life. But for being such a dependent little oddler, she sure is stubborn (she gets that from her daddy, of course). As dependent as she is, she is the most independent little soul you will ever meet. She wants to sit up on her own so bad, and will not accept help until you literally start pulling her up yourself. She is not able to help herself in any way, and yet she will not accept the help a lot of times.  She has developed her own way of telling you she does not like what you are doing whether you don’t feed her fast enough or you make her exercise too long.

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Are we not the same way with God? I know I am. I am totally dependent on God for every breath, every dollar, and every bite of food. Yet, just like Abigail, I fight against Him and try to do it all on my own. Surrender to the one true King would be the best way, but it is not the easiest way. At least we make it a lot harder than it should be. I still cannot sing the words to the hymn, “I Surrender All” because so often I do not surrender much of anything. I want to hold on so tightly to all I have and all my goals, and dreams, and ideas. God is patiently saying, “Give them to me child. I will care for you. I love you. In me you can find all you ever want and need.” Yet, I strive for independence. When will I truly surrender all, and realize that God’s way is the best way? God’s way is the right way? And God’s way is actually the easiest way? When will I become fully dependent on God?

I am a completely dependent soul trying to be fiercely independent with my life. And God loves me so much He simply lets me. In a book I read once by Jeanette Oke, it compared God to a parent of a toddler. The parent would watch the toddler learn to walk and see the child starting to fall, but they would not help them. They child would tumble and fall to the ground and then the parent would help the child up to start the process over. When asked why the parent didn’t just step in before the child fell, the parent simply said, ‘if I didn’t let him fall He would never learn that I will be there to help him after.’ And that is how God is. He is always there. He knows if we are about to fall, but we must learn that we are solely dependent on Him. And if we were to fall, He is there to catch us every time!

As much as I love to hear praises about Abigail, I think God loves to hear His praises about Himself and His children. And just like with children, we all have baby steps to take to become the spiritually adults God has called us to become. But it takes laying it all down at His feet and saying ‘Thy will be done.’ It is a daily battle between the flesh and our hearts to say, ‘Here I am God. Use me and let me be all yours.’ May we die out to ourselves and take up our cross to live a life that is unashamedly all His, dependent on His every word.

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