Parenting a Special Needs Child

“I have to deal with a lot being a special needs parent, but it’s also apart of parenting a child. Many people have told me that my strength is beyond their comprehension. We are often applauded for our care of him. I do appreciate that people realize we are working hard, but I don’t want to be a martyr because I am caring for my son. Any parent faced with our situation would take the steps they need to make sure their child has the best possible life. When you are put in this position, you have to dig deep and find a way to muster through the struggles. There are many days I feel alone, and frustrated and that I cry. You can absolutely tell me am a great mom, but I’d rather you say it was because he was a happy, polite, and sweet child.”

This is an excerpt from one of Katie Paulson’s latest blog posts, “I’m an Autism Mom: 5 Things you Need to Know about My Journey.” She is a fellow special needs blogger mom, and you can find her here: withoutacrystalball.com I loved this passage because I can so clearly resonate with it. A lot of people tell me what a great mom I am or how patient I am with Abigail. But I am really not. I get frustrated with her just as any mother gets frustrated with their child. She still fights her afternoon naps, and makes big messes. She whines when she doesn’t get her way and she pulls my hair and hurts me sometimes. I am no different than any other mother out there. I just have a special needs child, so this is our normal. You learn to adapt, and work around what your child needs and what he or she can or cannot do.

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This is Abigail ‘napping.’ She has learned to roll over in her crib and now nap time is the new play time.

I am not trying to raise my life as a symbol of victory for all special needs parents. This is just my life, and I enjoy sharing it with others. When Abigail was born we had no idea anything was wrong with her. She gave us our first scare when she was just a few hours old, but the doctors said that it was nothing and they sent us home after two days. We figured she was healthy, and we did not think twice about it. We were just trying to figure out life with a baby, and enjoying our new bundle of joy. We were not prepared for having a special needs baby. But because of her needs slowly unfolding over time, we took each piece of news in slowly. Each time we visited a new doctor or received a new test result we were able to digest slowly what was going on with Abigail. This is our life. I would not choose this for our daughter, but she is perfect the way she is.

I am not a special mother in anyway. I am not a more patient person. I am not more loving or more caring than anyone else. In many ways I am less patient and a lot meaner than I used to be. I simply am helping my daughter live her life to the best of her ability. Any mother who found out she had a special needs child would love their child and do the best they can do. That is all I do. Most days I feel like a big failure. I feel like there was so much more I could have done in those hours we had together. But I do what I can, and I try to do better the day after.

I am simply a mom to a special needs child. I love my life, and my little girl with all my heart. I would not have chosen this life for me or for Abigail, but it is our life. It is nothing extraordinary; it is simply life with a child with severe developmental delays. I appreciate every kind word spoken on our behalf, but I know any parent of a special needs child just wants a friend to lean on. We need a team behind us that is rallying for us and for our child. We need you to love our child no matter how they may look or act in any given situation. We need you to understand that this life is not what we would have chosen, but it is the life we have and we are simply doing what we need to do for our child. We are not anything special, and we surely do not have any more energy, patience, or love than any other person. We just have a child who is a little different than others and who is unwrapping their gifts at a little different speed than others. So please if you see a special needs parent, don’t look at us in pity or in awe. Please, see us for who we are, parents just like you, raising a child to be the best they can be.

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