Things Treasured

My blog was original titled “Treasured Encounters.” It started as a blog about my treasured encounters with God as I spent time with Him. But then I became a mom, and I learned that you have many, many treasured encounters with your children that people love to read and I love to share. And these moments are more sharable moments than intimate moments between my God and I. Like Mary I love to ponder these moments in my own heart. So I began what my blog is today, sweet moments about Abigail. But with resurrection Sunday tomorrow, and yesterday being Good Friday I wanted to share my treasured God encounter with my readers.

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The Bible tells us that Mary “treasured these things” on multiple occasions especially when Jesus was first-born. This young mother treasured all the moments she could with her son, the very Son of God. As Easter is approaching this weekend I love being able to take an extra long look at the cross and what God has done for all mankind so many years ago. Easter is a beautiful time of remembrance for an event that impacts our life every day. An event that should be thought about often as we humble ourselves and worship God in awe of what He has done for us. I want to be like Mary who ponders these things in her heart. She knew these were moments, when she saw shepherds bowing down to her newborn baby and wise men bringing gifts fit for a king to her bouncing toddler, that she would remember and look back on years later.

Since having my own child I can relate more with Mary as a mother. Obviously, I have no idea what it is like mothering God himself, nor would I ever want that. Just think of the worries and pressures that come with that!! But I can sense her mother’s heart as she looks lovingly into her newborn son’s perfect face moments after giving birth. I can feel her panic as she realizes her teenage son is no longer with them, and they cannot find him anywhere. And I do not want to imagine her grief and sorrow as she follows Him up Golgotha’s hill. But she has watched Him become a man and known in all her pondering that her son, God himself, was leading to do something more. He was never hers to hold on to forever. God blessed Mary with a wonderful gift of birthing and rearing the Son of God. However, Jesus answered to God alone, and was here to do His will, to save man from sin and death. But Mary had to watch.

There are things about Abigail and mine’s relationship that I could never put into words. My pride, my joy in her, my love for her are all too much for basic words to describe. The bond we have is something I never knew existed until I was blessed to experience it myself. Yet, this love pales in respect to the love Jesus showed for us that day on the cross. Two thousand years ago a young Jewish man died a gruesome death for people crosswho despised Him, rejected Him, and hated Him all because they did not understand Him. God knew His Son was the only way to reconcile man to Himself. God desired a relationship with us so badly, he sacrificed everything to bring us back to Him. My human love stretches to just a few people in this world, but God’s love is “never stopping, never giving up, unbreakable, always and forever.”  (Jesus Storybook Bible) And it reaches every. single. person.

God always reveals a new aspect of the Easter weekend to me each year, and this year I want to ponder as Mary did. I want to store these things in my heart and reflect them in my life. I want to learn more about God’s mysterious love for me and for mankind. I want to put my fingers in His nail scarred wrists and trust Him with everything. I want to learn to surrender all in the light of my Lord and Savior who was beaten and broken for my name’s sake. I want to remember the torn veil, and know I have a mediator who stands in my defense. I want to be like the ground under the cross where Jesus gave His all, and be covered in His blood. I want to be more like Jesus, and be willing to carry my cross as scary as that is. I want to worship Him in spirit and in Truth daily. I want to live in His resurrection power, and know that same power lives in me. I want to experience that same joy Christ experienced as he reconciled sinful man and holy God. I never want to forget what God gave to show His love for me. I want to find my hope and peace in this God who loves me unconditional. Oh, and I want to treasure the moments of our relationship in my heart forever!

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Transformation in the Waiting

You wait in check out lines. You wait on big news to come. You wait on deadlines and release dates. You wait on your husband to get home. You wait on your baby to arrive and you wait on them to fall asleep every night. Waiting is just a part of life. Some people are good at waiting and others are very impatient. While you are waiting what are you learning? Life is not always about the destination at the end, but about the journey on the way there.

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:13-14

Jordan and I have been waiting for what seems like forever and we still have no clue what God is leading us towards. He has called us both into ministry, yet neither of us is anywhere close to that calling. When we first got married three years ago we were helping at a church with the youth group. We then moved to a part-time youth ministry positron, and then we moved here where we are not in any ministry. We have interviewed at countless churches and been told no more times than I’d like to admit. It’s tough knowing what your passionate about and what God has called you to, and yet not finding an open door to do that calling. I can only hope that God has something bigger out there than we could imagine, and this season is our time to prepare for what God has planned.

We are also still waiting on answers about Abigail. Why is she so far behind developmentally? Is there hope for her to talk and walk and be independent one day? This journey started when Abigail was two months old. We have waited on many different doctors to do many different tests. We have waited for MRI, EMG, EEG, and blood work results. All these point to the same answer – that Abigail is completely ‘normal’ on paper. So we wait. We wait for her genetics screen to come back. We wait for answers. We wait for her to determine if she is ready to advance or not.

We are living in a time of waiting. Waiting is not fun. We want answers as to why God has led us here and what He wants us to do. We want answers about Abigail and hope that things will be okay. But for now God has led us here – to this community, to this job, and to this child. We are trying to serve where we are because for now this is where God has us.  And as long as God has us here I want to be intentional with every moment. So many days I get caught up on the to do list I forget there’s a bigger world out there than just my own. I’m not sure how long God will have us here. It could be for 60 years or for two, but while we are here God is molding us and growing us. I can see it in my own life and in Jordan’s. We are growing up and learning so many things about our community and ourselves. We need to be here. We need this time to mature. We need this time of waiting to mold us into vessels God can use.

“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

The Bible uses a lot of comparisons to pottery and a potter when it talks about God working on our hearts. I have a very special piece of pottery from when I worked at a camp one summer. It doesn’t seem like much of a pot from the outside, but our theme that year was about the Potter and the clay. During our worship night two leaders would sit on the stage and make a pot as worship music was played. It was beautiful picture that God is still working on you and me. As the girl made this particular pot it started to fall in the middle. She didn’t give up on it though. She just started reshaping it and now the line where it dropped gives this pot personality. That’s exactly what God does in our lives. When we mess up, when we choose what our flesh wants, when we fear and doubt His ways we feel like we are messed up and cannot be fixed. But our Potter takes his skilled hands and forms all our mistakes into beauty. He is a master Potter and what He designs is never wrong. So these times of waiting, while painful and long they may be, are necessary to make us into the vessels God needs to serve Him today. And to do that I have to stay moldable and in my Creators hands no matter how tough it may be. It hurts to be pressed and pounded into something new, but in the end I want to be a beautiful piece of pottery that my God is proud to display to the world around me.

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“Where do you want me to go?” That is what is written on my piece of pottery.