A Trip to Chili’s

How do you explain to a two-year-old about special needs? How do you explain to her that a little girl her own age cannot do the things you can do because her legs don’t work quite right? We came face to face with this situation this weekend, and I have been pondering these things myself.

My mother-in-law and her husband took Abigail and me out to dinner Saturday night just so we could get out of the house for a bit. We had been home for over two days and I was going a little stir crazy, so we all packed up and went to Chili’s down the road from our house. Well apparently everyone in town was stir crazy or didn’t want to cook (or couldn’t because they didn’t have power) because everyone was at Chili’s. So we sat with another family that came in before us in the waiting area for about 15 minutes. What a 15-minute wait that was!

The family consisted of a young mother, her two children (a little girl we soon discovered was only two months older than Abigail and her little brother who was about 6 months I am guessing), and the mother’s parents. They were a sweet family and we instantly started talking about the snow and road conditions and power outages. My mother-in-law was holding Abigail, and I was across from them in the other seat. They were sitting right beside the little girl and her mother.

The little girl and Abigail were having a staring contest. You see Abigail loves watching children. I think they fascinate her. The little girl finally got brave enough to ask Susan (my mother-in-law) what Abigail’s name was, so Susan told her and asked her name. She was the cutest little girl with light up rain galoshes on. Susan asked her how old she was and she said three, so the mother had to chime in and say she was only two. We couldn’t believe that she was Abigail’s age. Her mother said she was in the 97th percentile. Abigail is in the 10th, so you can only imagine what the size difference between them was. I explained to the adults that Abigail had special needs, so that might be one reason she seemed so tiny. Well the little girl couldn’t comprehend Abigail was two just like her. She kept saying she was only one, and Susan kept telling her, ‘no she’s two just like you.’

Well everything was going peachy until the little girl asked if Abigail could get down and play with her. Susan told the little girl that Abigail couldn’t leave her lap. Her mother tried to tell her that Abigail’s legs don’t work like hers and of course the why question kept coming. You could tell everyone was getting a little tense with not knowing what to say. Then the little girl asked if Abigail could sit beside her. Of course another round of ‘no’s’ and ‘why not’s’ commenced. So Susan finally told her she could play with her but Abigail would have to sit in her lap. I knew this was going to go poorly the moment that little girl stepped towards Abigail. Abigail loves looking at kids, but she does not like kids in her bubble much less touching her. Well that sweet little girl so lovingly held Abigail’s hands. It truly was the cutest thing, and I wished I could have taken a picture. But all the touching was way too much for Abigail.

I calmly got up from my seat anticipating Abigail’s freak out, and it came quickly. Her bottom lip quivered (a sure sign tears were coming). I scooped Abigail up, and the mother was like did my daughter do anything? “No, not a thing. She was the sweetest to Abigail, but Abigail cannot tolerate children. I am so sorry.” The little girl’s face crumbled. I told her she did nothing wrong and that Abigail was going to be okay. I had to walk away to calm Abigail down and when I got back the family had been seated. I told my mother-in-law everything was good. Abigail was back to laughing and dancing to the holiday music in no time. And when we left we stopped by the family’s table and wished them a goodnight. The little girl waved good-bye, so I knew she was okay too.

But goodness, what a situation! It really was not a big deal probably to anyone else, but those 10 minutes rocked my world. This is my life. No one knows how to react when you say special needs. I felt so awful for that little girl and her family. I know they had no idea what to say or do to explain Abigail. I was no help either. Looking back I should have taken Abigail and showed the girl how Abigail’s legs don’t work right. I should have held her and had a ‘dance’ party in my lap while the little girl stood beside us. There are 15 different things I could have done now looking back. But I sat there and watched this family meet a special needs little girl for the first time with no explanation.

I know it’s not a big deal. They probably won’t even remember us tomorrow, but I will never forget this. I know situations like this will come again. Children will ask questions, and I will have to answer to them and their families. I will have to explain why at two a little girl cannot walk or talk or even sit. I don’t know if I will have all the answers, but I hope to help and encourage as we go. Explaining special needs to a two-year-old is tough, but I hope that little girl stays as loving and sweet as she was that night. And I pray that one day Abigail will accept a sweet handhold from a fellow pier. That little girl’s hand in my child’s hand tonight meant the world to me. I know it was brief, but it shows bridges can be gapped and my daughter can be accepted. Such a simple thing, but such a huge Christmas blessing – a simple hand hold from a sweet little two-year-old girl at a Chili’s restaurant.

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You Would Too

Do you remember that oldies song “It’s my Party”? The lyrics go, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. You would cry to if it happened to you.” I know it’s a weird connection but that’s the song I thought of as I began to write this blog last night. So many people say how I’m a great mom or how Abigail’s blessed to have me. Maybe I am. Maybe she is. There’s a ton of special needs parents and care givers that are amazing!! I’ve met only a small handful and their stories need to be heard by everyone. Special needs parents are some of the most amazing people I’ve found out. But like the song goes, if you had a special needs kid you’d be pretty amazing too.

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Just a few days after we got home from the hospital before we found out about this journey we were about to be on.

Let’s face it. If you’re a parent you are amazing. The responsibility God has given you to raise your child or children is one of the biggest under takings you’ll ever have. You are raising the future in your home right now. It’s huge!! It’s scary!! And often it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Parenting does not come with rule books and how-to guides. And as soon as you kind of think you have one kid figured out another child comes along who is completely different. Parenting is a privilege and a blessing, but one that should not be taken lightly. So every parent who loves their child unconditionally is amazing in my book!!

But as a special needs parent you just have a few extra responsibilities. You often have a list of doctors to call. Often you have to deal with insurance companies and other financial assistance companies and organizations. You grow to realize there are not a lot of helpful people out there to assist you, so you learn as you go and learn to be assertive and to be your child’s biggest advocate. You are your child’s voice in a medical field, which is often full of people who are just after the next dollar or who think your child isn’t as high a priority. If you had a special needs child you would learn all about the ends and outs of the medical field too.

 

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Then at two months old we got the news about how our perfect little baby may have some vision issues, and our special needs journey began.

A special needs parent often has to be more accommodating and a quick problem solver. A lot of special needs children have physical and social limitations that you have to work around. I know a lot of children with sensory issues who cannot handle loud places, even crowded restaurants. Parents bring noise canceling headphones to help them in those situations. For us, Abigail cannot sit up. For the longest time we carried our own chair for her to sit in when we went out. Now she is stable enough to sit in high chairs at restaurants. But often the hostess will not ask us what we need, so she will get a booster seat for the booth. Abigail cannot sit in a booster seat because she would slide right out. So then I have to go chase down someone to replace the seat with a high chair. It’s a mess. But if your were a special needs parent you would learn to accommodate in a world that is not often accommodating to people with special needs.

Often a special needs parent has to deal with medical issues with their child. Whether it is seizures, a g-tube, or a host of other symptoms, parents have to walk through these scary things with their child. Not to mention the surgeries that often come with these medical issues. We have been blessed not to experience any medical issues with Abigail, but I have talked to many a mother who has and it is always an awful part of their story. One mom even said they feel as if they are going through it with their child. As moms we are often more scared and hurt and worried about our children than they are. But if you were a special needs parent you would do all this too if you knew it was best for your child.

 

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While we don’t have any medical issues, Abigail has done a lot of testing. This was taken at the lab while we waited for her blood to be drawn for about the fourth time. I was over it – she was as happy as ever.

Often as a special needs parent you have to help your child in ways you don’t expect or teach them things that should come naturally. They are much more dependent on you. Special needs children need help doing even simple things like getting dressed and using the bathroom. I still have to feed Abigail all her meals and give her every sip of water or juice she drinks. We aren’t even considering potty training, and diapers may be forever in our future. We still carry Abigail everywhere she goes. I have to teach her how to play with new toys and how her hand can make a fist. But if you were a special needs parent you would do all this too.

Lastly, often our dreams and expectations of our children crumble before our eyes. No one plans to have a child born with autism or Downs or a genetic disorder. Often parents do not know anything is the matter with their child until they are months, if not years old. So by that time you have planned for them to be your older child’s best friend, or a star athletic or a well-known doctor. Every parent dreams about their child’s future. And often as a special needs parent these dreams are broken as diagnoses come along. But that doesn’t mean we don’t dream. It is just that our dreams and goals are very different. My dreams for Abigail has changed dramatically in the last few years. Now I want her to be able to walk, to have accepting friends and amazing teachers and doctors. Things I would just take for granted when I was pregnant with her. But if you were a special needs parent your would adapt your dreams and expectations too.

The fact is that I am not anything special. God didn’t gift me with any extra abilities to care for my daughter. I am not amazing in any way. In fact I mess up a lot. I am lazy and don’t do everything I should. I don’t want to deal with doctors so I don’t call all the time when I should. I want to do my thing sometimes and not spend every waking moment helping Abigail. I am selfish. But I am a mother of a special needs daughter, and I will do anything I can to help her achieve her very best. Yes, we have to do things a little differently, but this is my normal. Abigail is my normal because I have no other typical child to compare her to. I would be scared to be around typical toddlers because I don’t know what they do. Around here we just take one day at a time and enjoy the small victories. I am thankful for my daughter and for being allowed to be her mom. Abigail teaches me more than I ever thought she could. Her joy and determination are contagious!! I am thankful to be on this journey with her and if you were a parent of a special needs child you would be blessed in ways you couldn’t imagine too!!

 

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Toddlerhood

I love this stage with Abigail. She is learning so much, and she wants to learn. I often feel inadequate to teach her because I don’t know what she is capable of, and I often don’t know how to teach her. But I am glad she is willing to learn with me and be patient as I learn with her. She picks up things so quickly whether it’s a new sign for communication or how to make her body move the way she wants it to. Her therapists are so pleased with her progress, and they are working just as hard to get her to sit and grow too! I mean just look at her sitting on the steps. She looks like such a big girl now, and I love it. My little baby is growing up slowly but surely.

As much as this is an exciting time for us all, it is also a frustrating time. We are at a weird stage right now. Abigail wants to be a toddler so bad. She wants independence and freedom. She is smart and growing everyday. From the outside she looks like a big girl. But physically she is only at about a 8 month old level (well an 8 month old who can’t sit or stand yet). It’s tough. It’s frustrating. Do you know how hard it is to play with toys when you can’t sit yet? We are limited by what we can do. Even as I took the picture of her sitting on the steps, looking so big, she fell over before I could catch her and hit her head pretty hard against the wall. That’s our life. A mix of wanting to be a big girl, but being limited by what she can do. I am just glad she has been a champ so far and is taking things so well.

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Yes, that is my toddler lifting a 2 pound weight. No, I do not let her play with weights. She just happened to find them during one of my workouts. But she can lift 2 pounds!!

I think the worst thing for us right now is not the lack of physical ability, but the lack of communication. Because we have no way of communication we get frustrated at each other. She’s beginning to want certain things or not want certain things but I’m not sure what she needs all the time. She is becoming more and more aware of her environment which is exciting, but that means she is almost waking up cognitively. She can get sassy sometimes with what she wants or does not want, and I am struggling to keep up with all her new awareness. Since I’m with her all day I can usually keep up with her needs, but there are times I have no idea what she is thinking. Thankfully we are slowly learning signs, and I pray her speech continues to improve so I can help her. I do not want her physical handicaps to slow down her cognitive development.

Bed time is another frustration for us right now. She seems to never be tired, so at 9 we make our way up to her bedroom. We read a book or two and sing a song then it’s to bed. I have to lay beside her because she scream cries if I leave her side. And I swear she has no idea how to cry because she never does, so she then gets all chocked up and it’s just a big mess. So I lay beside her and she wiggles and tossed and turns. It takes about an hour for her to finally go to sleep. So now it’s about 10:30 and I’m tired and frustrated. I miss time with Jordan in the evening. It’s just a big mess. So we are attempting some changes this week to see if they help us all. I hope they help!!

But even with all this newness and learning going on Abigail is so happy all the time. Sometimes I wish she was not. I know that sentence is weird, but sometimes her constant good moods are a detriment for her. For example this past week was r-o-u-g-h. But she seemed like a champ the whole time. Unless you know her super well you would have no idea anything was wrong with her. We started the week off constipated. It’s a struggle we often have since Abigail doesn’t move a lot. But she hadn’t gone to the bathroom for a week and the pediatrician put us on Miralax. So now I’m a worried mama about that, but of course Abigail just continues to eat like normal and not cry. I could tell she was a bit off because she was clingy and not as talkative but no one else would see that. Then this weekend we had a wedding in our family and her whole schedule was thrown off! She did not sleep much. She did not eat like normal. She was cooped up a lot. Nothing was normal on top of being constipated. What a weekend for us all!! But through it all she just laughed and was her normal self. Only at the wedding reception did she start showing the wear and tear from the long week. And then she simply just wasn’t smiley. She’s a mess!

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Her sleeping off her hard weekend. She slept so much after the wedding, and I am so thankful!

But that’s toddlerhood in our house. It’s a weird mixture of growth, excitiment and frustration. I have a two year old who has a lot of struggles other two year olds have, but they cannot be treated the same way. I have a two year old who wants to learn and be independent, yet is highly dependent on me. I have a two year old who wants to be social, but cannot express her needs. I have a two year old who often is tired or hungry, yet is laughing and smiling so most people have no idea that she really needs a nap. This is our life in toddlerhood for now. I hope Abigail continues to progress and grow. I love seeing her personality bloom. I love seeing her explore and learn. And I love that she is becoming a big girl day by day. But I also hope her limited communication and physical ability does not slow her down. I think every parent of toddlers would tell you every day is a rollercoaster, but to see that tiny little one grow into a little person is something I would not miss for the world!

Five Prayers for My Daughter

Abigail’s future is a blank slate, and our hopes for her probably look different than an average two year old’s parents’ dreams would be. While most parents pray that their toddlers grow up to be influential, honorable citizens we are over here just hoping her legs will one day work and she will walk. But even though we have no idea what Abigail’s future holds for her I still have five specific prayers for her that are constantly running through my head at any given moment. But I especially pray these prayers over her as she sleeps. There is just something special about sleeping children that makes you know that good things will come.

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Announcing we were having a girl – our Christmas present that year!

1.) I pray she is a servant. I know that’s a weird one, but it’s why we named her Abigail Paige. Her name has servant written all over it, and I only pray she lives up (or should I say down?) to her name. There was an Abigail in the Bible. She saved her husband and family by serving David and being humble in the future king’s presence. And Paige literally means ‘one who serves.’ I want Abigail to be a servant in a world that scorns that idea. I want her to seek humility and serve all she comes in contact with. Oh Lord, let her have a servant’s heart.

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Working hard and getting stronger everyday!

2) I pray for physical and emotional strength for Abigail. She is such a motivated little thing and is so strong in her own way. I pray her strength allows her to go a long ways in life. I pray her little body continues to get stronger day by day. Those muscles are our biggest problems and I think they will continue to get stronger as we continue to work with her. But not only physical strength, but Abigail will need emotional strength too. She’s going to have to overcome a lot as she gets older. I’m sure kids will stare at her or even say things to her as she gets older and goes to school. She has the possibility of being in a wheelchair her whole life. That’s prime staring material. And I know as she becomes more and more aware she will realize that kids are running around and playing and she cannot physically keep up with them. Oh she will need lots of prayers for strength and determination as she conquers all these things.

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Even when she looks different than everyone else, she is still beautiful!

3) I also pray that Abigail remembers she is beautiful and perfect just the way God made her. I’m not sure why God made her so weird, and why her body doesn’t work like normal. But she is still perfect and sweet and I pray she doesn’t look at all she can’t do or compare herself to others. She has so much personality and she can do so much but she just has to remember that. I pray Jordan and I always encourage her to be happy in her own skin and that she is beautiful, smart and important just he way she is.

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This is one of those pictures to put in Abigail’s senior yearbook, but look at that happiness!

4) Abigail has always had such a joyful little personality. She is our sunshine because she brightens up the room. Our physical therapist always says she has an amazing sense of humor. And her laughter is contagious. I pray that this joy sticks with her throughout life. So many people lose their joy as life happens around them. Abigail might have a lot against her, but I want her joy to remain.

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Abigail playing with her cousin. Hopefully they will be lifelong friends.

5) The last prayer is a little odd probably but still a very dear prayer to me. I pray for the people in Abigail’s life to be a benefit and support for her. I want to find a doctor that will support us and help us seek the best for Abigail. I want her therapists to continue to love her and help us learn how to help her best. (Thankfully we have been blessed with amazing therapists that have done this so far and I know it will continue!!) I pray that her teachers will help her grow and will be patient with her as they see her potential. I pray for friends to come along in her life and have fun and can socialize with her. I pray these friends can support one another and live each other unconditionally. I pray for Abigail’s best friend to come along and be bosom buddies as Anne of Green Gables would say because everyone needs a bosom buddy.

These are my top five prayers for Abigail. Of course I pray we find answers one day. I pray we find the right school. I even think about Abigail’s future mate, but honestly I don’t know if she will be married right now. She may always be a home body with her mom and dad at this rate. That’s why praying for future things is hard. We just don’t know.

The one thing I don’t think to pray for is healing. I sooo want Abigail to walk one day. I want her to be a normal kid and run around and talk and sing. But there’s nothing wrong with Abigail. She isn’t broken or messed up. Everyday she progresses forward and that’s what I pray for – progress. Quick fixes are not in our future. Could Abigail wake up tomorrow and walk? Yes, that’s a possibility but more likely we will build to that point if she is capable of walking. Abigail’s progress may be slow and frustrating at times. But my goodness, when she learns a new skill it makes you want to get up and do a jig. We celebrate the small victories here and I like that. Yes, we want our daughter to be normal, but I wouldn’t trade this process for the world. Abigail’s disability is not only shaping her into the person she is becoming, it is shaping me into a new person too. So today these are the prayers I pray for Abigail!

What are some prayers that you pray for your children?

 

Our Simple Life

I thought I would share what a day in our lives look like. Of course each day changes and you cannot schedule a toddler every second, but on average this is what we do. I love my little buddy, and we are both going to miss each other when she goes to preschool next year. I think my mama’s heart is not going to be able to handle it. But I know Abigail needs to see more people than just me everyday, and I know that I need to be away from her too. But for now I treasure each day I have to spend with my little sidekick.

I wake up around 8 and wait for someone to start stirring. Abigail is normally up around 8:30 or 9. We are late raisers and I am okay with that. I know one day we will have to change our sleeping patterns but for now it works for us. Abigail is happy in the mornings, and we usually snuggle. She never pees at night so we have a very wet diaper when we go in morning. My mom has always said this will make it easier to potty train and I hope that is the case. We have a long ways to go before potty training can start, but maybe one day that will make it easier.

We go downstairs and fix breakfast for us both. She plays with her toys while I get everything together. I eat yogurt and granola. She eats a scrambled egg and cereal and maybe yogurt if she feels like it. She is usually pretty hungry, so she eats well. From there we snuggle and open the blinds in the front room. I have been trying to get her to learn to pull the cords to give her a job to do each morning. And then we get dressed and ready for the day. I lay her down in her bedroom with toys and music while I get ready and straighten up or put a load of laundry on. Then we get her dressed and that crazy blonde hair brushed the best we can.

Then depending on the day we try to go somewhere each morning. Mornings are Abigail’s best times. On Mondays we have physical therapy. On Tuesday’s is Music Class. On Wednesday’s is speech and occupational therapy. On Thursday’s she stays with grandma while I go to Bible Study. And Friday’s we normally have free so we go to the park or to the grocery store. One way or another we get out of the house for a bit, mostly for mama’s sanity. I like having somewhere to go each day.

We return for lunch and we usually watch TLC while we eat our sandwiches and fruit and goldfish. Then the afternoon fussiness begins. We try to have wiggle time and snuggle time. But at 2 it is nap time. We settle down with a good book or two and then it is off to Mommie and Daddy’s bed for a nap. We have to hold her down still so she does not fall of the bed, but it usually only takes her about 20-30 minutes to fall asleep. Some days I nap with her. Some days I use the hour and a half to clean or blog or just do nothing. It just depends on how motivated I am that day.

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I usually have to wake Abigail up because she would sleep the day away and never go to bed at night if we let her. She is out of it when she gets up. It takes her a good 20-30 minutes of snuggles to finally wake up. Those are some of my favorite minutes of the day. By then, if Daddy has been working all morning, he is home. So it is his turn with Abigail while I get dinner ready and the house straightened again.

We eat together at the table and Daddy normally gets her all fed while I clean up afterwards. She is the slowest little eater but she eats well! In the evenings we try to take a walk whether in the neighborhood or at the local outdoor mall 5 minutes from our house. We do some exercises and just are together as a family, watching TV, tickling, playing, and wiggling.

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Wrestling with Daddy before bath time.

Then before you know it it is bath time and snack time and snuggle time. Around 9:45 or 10 we head to bed. I know that is late but we honestly still are not close to going to sleep yet. This is why we sleep in. I hate the late bedtime but for now this is where we are. If anyone has suggestions about how to get a toddler to sleep faster please let me know! Her therapist and pediatrician have both said this may be a result of her finally gaining freedom and mobility. If you just learned to move you would want to wiggle all the time too. But we are trying to teach her that bedtime is bedtime, and give her tons of time to wiggle during the day. So, at 10 I read her a story or two and then lay down and hold her again. Bedtime takes longer to go to sleep. It normally takes between 45 minutes to an hour and a half. She is usually asleep by 11 or 11:30 and then it is my turn to sleep.

There is not anything exciting about our days. We like the simple life. Of course, days change and we do other things in between the usually stuff. Whether Grandma comes for a new adventure or we go to a doctors appointment that day. Or on days we miss therapy because our therapist cancel, we go to the store or just explore around town. Abigail is pretty chill, so it is easy to take her places. These next few months have lots of new adventures in store as fall festivals approach and then we have a big family wedding coming up. But all in all it is just the three of us living life with each other one day at a time. I love my simple life and I am glad I get to share it with my family!!

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Baby Steps of Intentionality

Be intentional!

It has been one of my life mottos for awhile now. I think I picked it up while working on camp staff at summer camp for a couple of years. It applies to a lot in life. Be intentional with your relationships, your work ethic, your faith, your self-care. The list is endless. So often I tend to get into my routines and I begin to just float through life. But by reminding myself to be intentional with every moment, I am reminded that I need to be fully present and aware in everything I do. Floating through life without being intentional with your thoughts and actions quickly leads you to places you never thought you would be. It can lead to discouragement, defeat, purposelessness, doubt, and fear. A little intentionality every day can make your whole outlook on life so different!

If anyone has taught me to be intentional it is my daughter. From day one we could lay Abigail down on her play mat and just leave her. She was not a cuddly baby. She is still the same way today. Even as I type this she is laying beside me just playing with her toys as content as could be. If we are not intentional about playing with her and doing her exercises she would be fine just laying on the ground all day. We have to intentionally take time to do all the things our therapists want us to do and still have fun too. Of course, these things are not a burden and we love playing with Abigail and taking her places, but she is not the one begging to go or running around like a mad woman driving us crazy.

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Abigail pushing herself under the table. She is a mess!

We also have to intentionally teach Abigail everything! Most typical children do not have to be taught how to feed themselves or sit or move. They just somehow magical pick it up and before you know it they are off and into everything. It happens so fast that as a parent you can barely keep up with them. But with Abigail, and many other special needs children, this is not the case. We have to intentionally teach her how to sit. How to hold a spoon correctly. How to get hair out of her own mouth. How to play with certain toys. And most of these things we have been teaching her for over 18 months now and she still cannot do them, much less mastered them.

Just this week our therapist wanted us to start putting toys just barely out of Abigail’s reach so she could start learning to come forward instead of always pushing herself backwards. So I sat down with her and put a toy just out of reach while she was on tummy time. Most children would learn to push forward and grab the toy easily. But Abigail just cannot figure out forward motion. She always pushes backward. So I had to get behind her and tuck her stubborn legs underneath of her and make her propel her body weight forward. She got the toy! So we did the whole process again. The third time I let her try on her own again. Well, she knew what she needed to do, but those pesky legs just do not work the way she wants them to. I shared a video of her on my Facebook wall. Those legs will always be an issue for us! After you have not used a body part for over two years I guess it takes awhile to figure out how to work it again, but maybe one day she will get those legs working.

But for today we are intentionally learning how to crawl. We are learning in baby steps. First strengthening our core, then working on our arms, and then one day we can get those legs fully under us and everything will click. Baby steps are slow. Baby steps are clumsy. Baby steps are unsure. But baby steps do eventually get you where you need to go, and we are making intentional baby steps of progress. I am a proud mama of a little girl who helps me be truly intentional every single day!

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Abigail’s Fear

I am not sure what a typical two-year old is afraid of. Maybe the dark or having to eat veggies. But Abigail is not scared of much. She doesn’t understand that falling could hurt her. She doesn’t understand the concepts of sharp or hot or dangerous. Thankfully she cannot really get into anything so that makes our life easier. We always joke about one day having to actually baby proof our house, and hopefully that day will come.

But Abigail’s biggest fear is children. Kids are unpredictable and fast. Abigail does not have time to process their movements so she gets scared. Abigail’s processing time is S-L-O-W. She bumps her head and it takes her a literal minute to process the pain before she starts crying. While adults know to approach slowly and are usually relatively calm, kids are not. Every time a child approaches Abigail she instantly tenses up and starts shaking. If they are brave enough to touch her, she begins to cry. Loud noises or fast movement, like jumping on the couch beside her, can set off the waterworks too. Children are just too much for her.

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All of us…it’s hard to take a picture with three littles. Do you see Abigail’s face?

We spent this last week with my parents and they watch my two nephews during the day. Benjamin will be two in November and Jackson is about to be 6 months. I figured she would go into hysterics with the two boys. The first day my mom brought in the boys while we were eating breakfast. Abigail cried about five times while trying to eat. She is used to quiet because it is often just me and her, and two-year old boys are not quiet. Every time Benjamin brought her a toy or ran by her chair she would start shaking and crying. But lo and behold, after she realized Benjamin wasn’t a complete threat to her life she actually sat on the floor and allowed him to pass toys to her. It was a beautiful sight.

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Benjamin and Abigail passing toys back and forth. Yes, her hand is touching his. It’s a miracle!!

Then later Benjamin thought it would be good to give Abigail some love and that extra kiss was just too much. Abigail went into total meltdown. She even cried when little Jackson’s foot touched her as they laid beside each other.

Children. They are scary sometimes. They are loud. They are crazy! But Abigail just needs her a friend so she can realize children really aren’t too bad. I hate she cannot play with other children. She cannot run or sit. She does not understand playtime. For her playing is just emptying out a toy basket and handing you things she finds. Abigail still does not actually play with her toys. But one day she will have to go to school with these things called children. She will spend hours in a room with them. I pray by the time she starts preschool she will be more accustomed to other children. I know we have a long ways to go to get her to realize children aren’t scary. But the more she is around them the better. So here is to conquering fears, meeting children and having more play dates!!!

**And a quick shout out to Benjamin for playing so well with Abigail, and for loving her despite all her tears! We had a great time with you last week!!