When Nothing Goes as Planned

Five years ago today I stood on a dock and watched this boy that I had learned to love get down on one knee and ask me to marry him. We should have known that night would have been a reflection of what the rest of our life would be like. Blessed, helping each other, sweet memories, and nothing going as planned. That’s the last few years in a nutshell. When Jordan asked me to be his wife, I did not get butterflies. We just are not the mushy, gushy kind of people. Honestly, about 2 minutes after he put the ring on my finger a beautiful rainbow came out and shone right over the dock. I ran out and leaned over the edge, jumping all about over the rainbow, forgetting all about the huge diamond for a minute. It probably was a very strange engagement if anyone had been there, but it was so us! Why was I so excited about a rainbow? I just felt like God was saying that He would bless us. It was a special sign to me, that me and Jordan would be okay. That we would be will taken care of. That God was looking down on us at that moment and giving us His blessing. And through all we have gone through, God has continued to be with us so I am still thankful for that tiny, beautiful reminder!


The night he popped the question – June 18, 2013. My parents wanted him to do it on their 25th anniversary, and today they are celebrating their 30th!!!

In these five short years nothing has gone as we once planned. From jobs to children everything we have tried to do has been turned all around. I wish I could go into details, but this just isn’t the place and also I wouldn’t have to space I need to write everything. But today I can look back on these last five years and truly wonder how did we make it? What is our next step? What does God have planned for us? So many questions, and very little answers. But I have faith that God has a bigger plan for our lives, and that my husband is the best leader for our family. With that faith I just take one day at a time and trust!

Jordan and I met at college as we were both resident assistants in our dorms. But what brought us together was the fact that we both wanted to go into ministry. One summer evening we sat at a table at Sonic. Perfect strangers, but with stories to share and those stories made Jordan pay attention to me. That’s where are relationship started.


Our very first picture together.

We planned to be ministry partners together as he led a youth group. Well after multiple and painful attempts at getting a job we are still without a ministry at a church. Jordan is now facing having to return to school so he can get a degree in education and become a teacher. Another lifelong dream of his. We have no idea why God slammed every door in our face. We have no idea why jobs we tried for were not offered. We have no idea why we were called to ministry just to be taken on this route instead. It is a big unknown still in our life.

Of course, another big unknown is Abigail. In the midst of applying, interviewing and being turned down for countless ministry jobs we had a beautiful little girl. And that little girl has led us on a whole other journey that I have written about countless times. She is another unknown factor in our lives. Abigail comes with a huge question mark. We can’t make a lot of future plans because we simply don’t know the future. Of course, one big unknown is will we have more children. Abigail puts a damper on that decision. If her condition is genetic then we are scared to risk having another child like Abigail or even worse than Abigail. We love Abigail to pieces and we aren’t worried about having another special needs child. We are worried about our children’s quality of life. We feel it isn’t right to bring a child into this world when we know the chances of them never functioning on their own is slim. We would much rather adopt than make a child suffer in away way! It is such a big unknown, and we spend a lot of time talking and praying about it.

We have always been mature for our age, but these experiences over the last five years have aged us decades I feel. So often I feel like we have already known each other for decades instead of just the short six years it has been. When I said ‘yes’ to My Man those five years ago I had no idea our life wold look like this. I had no idea we would be living in the house my husband grew up in with a special needs child, with no ministry job and one of us would be going back to school. What a rollercoaster this journey has been with my man. And it is just beginning. We are only four years into marriage. FOUR! I cannot believe it. But through it all I have had my rock. We have helped each other laugh and cry and talk out everything. I am so thankful I have never had to do any of this alone. I have an amazing partner through it all. We truly are so blessed to have each other, and our baby, and our amazing families to love us and help us in our time of need. I am not sure what tomorrow holds. But five years ago this man asked me to do life with him, and I will always stand on that commitment. We knew within two months of dating each other that we would be married. I knew Jordan was the one I wanted to spend my life with, and I am so honored that he picked me. He put a ring on it, and we have never looked back. So here’s to many years of being thankful to saying ‘yes’ to My Man. Wherever to Lord may lead, at least He led us to each other first!


Love walking hand in hand with this man!!


My Partner Through it All

My blogs focus a lot around Abigail because let’s face it when you have a cute baby that people care about they want to hear about the latest updates and all the details of her development. I love sharing our story and telling about all the things I am learning and things Abigail is teaching me. But this story would not be complete, it would not even be possible, without someone I rarely talk about. Not because I don’t like that person, but because he isn’t one to draw attention to himself. He is my other half, my hubby and my best friend. Jordan isn’t mentioned a lot because this space is usually reserved for Abigail, but Jordan is who keeps our story running and tonight I thought I would share how Abigail has impacted our marriage.

In a world where the divorce rate is skyrocketing and single parenthood is so common, I am thankful I can share my story. Of course we are no experts at marriage. We only have four very short years under our belts and one kid. There are millions of other couples who could give lots better advice, but I am not here to dish out marriage advice tonight. I am simply here to share our story – our short, crazy, unplanned story.

Jordan and I met in college. If I was sitting down with you over smoothies (I hate coffee, so I’m saying smoothies) I would give way to many details about the beginning of our relationship which mostly include him thinking I was a crazy weirdo (he still thinks that too) and me thinking he was too popular and cool to be with the likes of little old me. But since I’m not sharing our dating life, let’s just say it’s a miracle we ever made it to the girlfriend/boyfriend stage. However we did, and then 6 weeks into dating I nearly died. I might be exaggerating a little, but I did have a freak bleeding episode and had a 2 night stay in the hospital that included 4 blood transfusions, 5 IVs and a surgery so it was pretty intense. But my boyfriend of only 6 weeks stayed with me through it all. Well that brought us pretty close pretty fast. Only 2 weeks after my hospital stay Jordan told me he loved me. He said, “as I watched you laying on that hospital bed the only thing I could think was, ‘my girlfriend is going to die,’ and that thought actually made me sad.” That’s Jordan for you. He is a very romantic and sympathetic man as you can see. But it all worked out for me because I caught me a man and that man became my husband a little over a year after that.


I tell that whole story to say that maybe God brings medical cases into our lives to wake us up and help us realize something. He used my hospital stay to bring me and Jordan together, and now He is using Abigail and all her disabilities to build our family. Did I want to bleed to death to get a guy to fall in love with me? No! Do I want my daughter to have special needs so our family can be shaped and molded a certain way? Of course not. But God is using Abigail to teach us so much.

I am thankful to have Jordan walking this road with me. We have been through a lot with Abigail as any parent has been with their child. We have heard multiple doctors assessments of her, we have had multiple strangers praise her beauty, we have seen her progress leaps and bounds. We have seen her with needles and wires all about her and in her. We have held each other when we both have had to cry. Jordan keeps me sane when this world feels out of control. When I get all emotional, he keeps me steady and level-headed. He is my solid rock, my listening ear and my loyal companion. While I stay home with Abigail and work with her and deal with all her doctors and therapists, Jordan makes all that possible and he helps me be a better mom.

Having a child will impact your marriage. Children change you life in so many ways. We only had 6 short months of marriage before we found out we were pregnant. I didn’t think I was cut out to be a mom. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but we survived. Thankfully God gave us the easiest baby in the universe so Abigail made it easy. But no parent wants to hear there’s something wrong with their baby, and that’s all we have heard from doctors from 2 months on. There’s an issue with her eyes, there’s an issue with her muscle tone, there’s an issue with this or that. But no one can tell us why those issues are there. But through it all I have had a partner and a best friend. Jordan has experienced it all with me. Our marriage has been forged deeper because of all this. When we have had no one else we have had each other.

Children impact every part of you. They impact relationships and they impact your marriage. Some parents build their lives around their children and not their marriage which is devastating. Some marriages break up when one spouse or the other finds out their child will never be ‘normal’. There are thousands of reasons marriages don’t make it. But when calamity strikes, when you receive that bad news you never want to hear, when the world just seems too much to handle – I couldn’t imagine doing it alone. I am thankful our marriage has survived this so far, and I pray it continues to stand strong. I love living life with my best friend! I love always having a friend to talk to. I love my husband and our little family of three.


My Man

Back when we were just children in the stages of liking each other I once told this boy that I thought I could follow him anywhere. After just knowing him for a short period of time I knew this kid could be trusted. Then less than two years later I was looking at that kid right in the face and promising to be his forever until death do us part in front of God and man. I call us kids back then because even though it has only been three and a half short years I feel ancient. We have always been two mature individuals, but the last few years has aged us.


My handsome groom on the day I married him! I am so thankful he picked me!

I met Jordan at college when we were both resident assistants. I caught his attention with my weird testimony and he caught mine when he paid attention to my amazing athletic skills on the volleyball court. I am kidding about the athletic skills by the way, but when there’s a cute boy out there who is willing to laugh at you then you go play whether you stink or not right? Well at least he saw something in me, and to this day I am still not sure what that is. Our relationship moved fast. We lived on a tiny school campus and within two months we knew we would be married. I had a near death experience and that boy I only had been dating for maybe six weeks stayed by my side in the hospital. It truly was the experience that changed our relationship I think.

But here we are almost four years into marriage and he is my best friend. I have learned a lot about him and a lot about marriage. Things like we cannot have the same blankets and that he is truly a nerd on the inside. Things like boys and girls are very different. Things like what unconditional love truly is, and how it feels to be in a partnership with someone. Things like how selfish I am, and how Jordan never cries even when Mufasa is plummeting to his death. And so many more things I could not even begin to list.

This man is loyal through and through. He works so hard for us so I can stay home and take care of Abigail. But even after a long day of working two jobs he still comes home and spends time with his family. Jordan is not a man of much emotion, but that little girl


One of my all time favorite pictures of these two. They used to look just alike, but he just adores her!

of his brings out the worst in him, as he would say. I have seen him cry over her (which is a truly rare event). I have seen him laugh and smile like he never does with anyone else. She may not always reciprocate the love, but I know that man would move mountains for his little girl if she needed him to. Jordan is our strong rock, and when my emotions are everywhere I know I have him to steady me. He is my encourager and my personal comedian. He can make me laugh more than anyone.

Most of all though Jordan is my race buddy. The Bible tells us we are in a race. In Hebrews 12 it reads, Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” And I am thankful I do not have to run this race of life alone. I have a partner every step of the way. He has experienced the same exact things I have and we have held hands through every disappointment, every failure, and every step along the way. I am excited to continue to run along beside him. Sure we will see a lot together – the good, the bad and the ugly, but I am so excited to grow old with my best friend. I once told him I could follow him anywhere, and that’s what I plan to do. I will follow him as he follows God. And wherever God may lead us we will be together. 


Me and My Man

Today marks five years that I have been with this guy. We met five years ago as we were both hired to be resident assistants at our school. The volleyball court brought us together that year, and for some reason this popular, athletic boy picked this weird, dorky nobody to spend his forever with. I still do not understand it to this day, but I am thankful Jordan picked me.

We knew we would be married two months after we started dating. That might seem quick (and it was), but I had had a near death experience in the hospital and Jordan, my boyfriend of about 7 weeks, was there for every scary moment. I truly hated that weekend, but I am thankful because I think it made us both realize how we felt about one another. The next week we made a commitment to one another. We said the ‘L’ word that rhymes with dove, and we never looked back.

On June 18, 2013 Jordan proposed at the first place we had ever known the other existed. Back then we did not even know each other’s names and I was just a weird girl with an even weirder testimony, but it got his attention and he started noticing me. The day he got down on one knee and I said yes, God sent a rainbow in the sky. I truly believe it was a promise from God that He would be with this union. I know that is not what rainbows mean, but it was wonderful either way!


Seven months later, the day we had been waiting on finally came. Wedding bells were ringing .on February 1, 2014 It had snowed just days before, but Saturday was beautiful! I really just floated through the morning of getting ready, talking with my bridesmaids, and taking pictures. I was nervous as anything as my dad led me down the aisle to meet this man I had already committed my life to months before. We stood in front of our family and friends to share this commitment with them.

After the reception, as we drove to Atlanta to spend the night in our hotel before catching an early plane, I felt awful. The wedding day should have been glorious and one of the best days of my life, but I was just relieved it was done. I felt guilty. We talked as we drove, and as always my man of wisdom reassured me. This day was not for us, it was for others to see what we had already done. In my heart I was already His and he was already mine that day we first talked about getting married. But today we made that commitment public and we celebrated with family and friends, and for that I was thankful because we had so many who cared about us and loved us.

When I committed to marry this man I knew he would be going into ministry. I wanted that for him and me. We were simply waiting for God to call us to a church so we could begin our ministry. We had been helping at a church together the whole time we dated and were engaged, and now we could do it together at our own place. Job opportunity after opportunity was opened to us. We have done countless interviews and attended churches the past few years. Yet, every door as been slammed in our face. Whether it was because we were not the right fit or because we felt like it was not where God was sending us, we have been told no an awful lot. Both of us have degrees in Christian Studies and both of us are called into ministry, yet we have not found that ministry yet. We pray God has a plan for us. We pray the right doors will open and we pray we will be ready and willing whenever that day comes. But in the mean time we are serving where God has us in whatever capacity we can.

Then six months into marriage God blessed us with Abigail. Our journey with her has been long and hard, but it has also been rewarding and joyful. Having a child rocks your marriage no matter what, but having a special needs child rocks it even harder. Most people I have met with special needs children are older or have multiple children and it is their second or third or later babies that have special needs. But we were hit with it from the get go. We knew nothing about kids so for us Abigail is our normal.


But through it all I have a man that is committed to me. I have a husband who loves me and loves his little girl with all his heart. I have a man who is willing to lead us. He is my strong rock, my wise counselor and my listening ear. I would not be making it today without him. I would have given up a long time ago, but he pulls me through my pity parties and convinces me to keep running the race. I am usually the positive one, but just last night he laid beside me reminding me of all the good in our lives when all I could see was the bad.

We have only known each other for five years, but it feels like forever. Everyday I see little ways that we are becoming one. We are starting to think the same, and know what the other is thinking. We share some similar hobbies now, things I would have never done prior to knowing Jordan. We know what the other one likes and what they do not like. I cannot wait to get to know this man more and more as the years continue. He is my best friend, my love and my other half. I am thankful Jordan asked me to be his. I am thankful I have him. And I will always stand on that commitment we made all those years ago. He is my one and only, my forever and always. I could not imagine doing life without my man right beside me. Thanks for picking me Jordan Lidh!


20 Facts about Our Family

I have been blogging for over a year now, and I thought it was time to write a little on the lighter side tonight. Here are some random facts about our family of three. Thanks for for your support and for reading along!!

1) Our last name always throws people off. I am forever spelling it for people over the phone. L-I-D as in David- H as in Henry. I had no clue how to say it when I met Jordan in college. I had to ask him. I always remembered it because as my husband Jordan would lead me. Jordan sometimes will tell people it’s spelled L-E-E-D. It’s a tough one for only being four letters. But we answer to anything, mostly we are the ‘Lids’ and that’s ok.

2) We rely a lot on our extended family. We are blessed to have two families that truly love and support us 100%. They help us out with Abigail by watching her, loving on her and providing for any and all needs she may have. They provide a roof for our head and often treat us to dinners or new clothes. I tell Jordan all the time how spoiled we are. But we are very thankful we have great families that love us and want to take care of us because so often we wouldn’t be able to do it alone.

3) We would love to own a dog. I think we would both lean to a lab of some kind. But the house we live in has no yard, and I couldn’t do that to any dog much less a bigger dog. But maybe one day because having a dog would be so fun and I think Abigail would grow to love him even if she would be quaking in fright at the beginning.

4) One of mine and Jordan’s dream anniversary spots is Washington DC. We truly are simply and nerds at heart. But we went on a trip to the capital just months after we were married with a group from our college and we loved it!! We would love to go
back one anniversary and explore on our own.


5) I like to sleep in and recently Abigail’s schedule has changed so she sleeps in until 9 most mornings and as long as Abigail is sleeping in I am too. I know people say you should wake up before your kids and get things done or have me time, but I prefer pillow time.

6) I recently got a library card in our new county. I LOVE to read and this is a whole new world of books to read. I found I love historical fiction, and now I stay up late reading. Maybe that’s why I like to sleep in.

7) I secretly love trying to rock Abigail asleep. She has never been a cuddly baby. She hated being rocked and being placed in a carrier even as a new born. But now I try to keep her up later so I can rock her to sleep and hold her for just a minute before putting her in her crib.

8) Abigail is getting huge!! She is outgrowing her crib, her seats, and her clothes. She is heavy and I cannot carry her as long as I used to. She would be so tall if she would stand up. It’s hard to believe how big she has gotten.

9) We eat the same thing almost everyday. It’s just easier because I l ow what I like and I know what Abigail likes. She loves fruit and carbs and so do I. I literally eat a whole box of Suddenly Salad all by myself at lunch. Yes, carbs are my friends. I’ve considered dieting many times, but you only live once and I love food!! I don’t think I’m disciplined enough to diet.

10) I have never been a runner. In college I tried to ‘run’ in the evenings. I have started the Couch to 5K about 4 times, and never finished. Running just isn’t my thing. But I love to walk. I like my walking buddy and we spend a lot of time walking in the park and in our neighborhood.

11) Speaking of walking – I usually walk so I can get miles and catch Pokémon on Pokémon Go. My husband got me hooked when the app first came out last year. And I haven’t looked back. I love playing!!! And the best part is that it’s like mine and Jordan’s thing to do. We have had many a date night going around and catching Pokémon. And it’s a nice family outing where we can get out and do something together. So call us nerds, but it’s one of my favorite things to do.

12) Jordan and I always try to spend time with just us everyday. It’s tough because he is on a weird work schedule. He works retail and his hours change from day to day and he always has different days off. I can never keep up with it. But we like to watch our tv shows, movies, play board games, and play minecraft. Yes, I did say monecraft. It’s another great game to play. Our land is called ‘The Loveshack.’ Jordan would kill me if he knew I told you all that, but I named it for us. I love spending time side by side building a fantasy world and killing zombies with him.

13) Sometimes I don’t do all Abigail’s exercises with her. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I just want to snuggle with her. But our favorite thing to do is in the evening we lay down side by side and we just laugh and tickle and snuggle. It’s wonderful and always a highlight of my day!!

14) I’ve always wanted to be an elementary school librarian. In college God called me to ministry and I changed my major to Christian Studies. I then got married and we had Abigail. I now stay at home full-time with her. I know I am called to ministry and I am searching for what God would have me to do. But for now my ministry is to our daughter and the families we come in contact with everyday.

15) I love that my husband literally beams when people say Abigail looks like him. He eats it up!!! He is the best Daddy and he loves that girl so much.  His love for her makes me happy. Because I know she will need her daddy as she grows!

16) One of my dreams would be to adopt a special needs child. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but we are both open to adoption and I know children with special needs need to be loved too. Maybe one day my dream will be a reality but for now I will keep learning all I can about caring for special needs children.

17) My favorite room in the house has always been the bathroom. It might be a weird pick, but I take my showers at night at the very end of the day. It’s just my time to unwind and not have to worry about a single thing.

18) My favorite thing about being married is that I get to live with my best friend. I love that even after just 3.5 years of marriage we are pretty good at knowing what the other one is thinking and feeling. And we always think the same way about big decisions (or at least we have so far). Is our marriage perfect? Not by any means, but we know we are together no matter what and I am thankful to live life with my best friend!!


19) Yes, we would love to have more children. People ask us that a lot. Of course, we are also scared to have more. We have no clue what Abigail’s quality of life will be and we are scared to have another child like Abigail or in even worse condition than she is. We have been told the chances of us having another child with special needs is slim to none, but obviously no one can guaranty anything. But maybe when the time is right, God will bless us with a second child!!

20) I love my family!! Family is very important to me. I think God designed families to honor Him and he used a family to bring salvation to the world. I am thankful my husband picked me five years ago. I am thankful we had our beautiful little girl ,and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for our family as we continue to grow in the years to come!!


We Still Do


Today I have been Mrs. Jordan Lidh for three years. I am no expert on marriage. If it is possible, I feel like some days I know less about marriage now than I did before I got married. When you decide to be in a forever relationship with a person you never stop learning. You never stop growing. Relationships are messy and they take a lot of work, but this work is worth it. I want to put extra effort into my marriage. I want it to be what God has intended marriage to be, not how the world sees marriage.

I normally would not write about this. Marriage to me is very sacred, and I did not start this blog to talk about how to have a great marriage or give out marriage advice. But it is my anniversary, so today my husband and marriage is on my mind more. I will say one thing about having Abigail and marriage. Children affect marriage. Instead of having the two of you only, you get a little one or two or ten that you have to provide for, love, and raise. These little people you produce take a lot of time and energy. I am constantly reminding myself that my first priority is not my child. She is pretty high up there, but my husband and my marriage must come first. I want her (and our other future children) to know that Jordan and I love them very much, but the love we have for each other is greater. That is how it should be. When the kids grow up and it is just you and the man who chose you all those years ago what will happen? Will you invest more in the marriage or in the kids the marriage made?? I want my children to have a model of biblical marriage they can see everyday. I want our marriage to be one they want for themselves one day.

Marriage is a covenant not a commitment. It is not something to simply choose to walk away from and decide you no longer want it. I made this covenant in front of God and my husband and I want to honor that covenant with all my heart. So while marriage is messy and relationships are hard, I want my marriage to be a picture of Christ and His bride as long as we both shall live.

Tonight we lit our unity candle, the candle that represents our oneness, and sat across from each other at the kitchen table. We took turns reading our wedding vows to each other. It was such a simply thing, but one that meant so much to my heart and spirit. These vows were written from our hearts before we were married, and it was wonderful to go back to that day and relive a little bit of our wedding day again. The day we committed to love each other in front of God, family, and friends. We both knew we would be together long before our wedding day, but February 1, 2014 was the day we united as one and it will forever be a special day to me!


He keeps me laughing! Love you forever, Jordan!! Happy third Anniversary to my loving hubby