When I wrote the first post for this blog I simply wanted to share our story. A lot of our friends had no idea anything was going on with Abigail at the time. She was a few weeks from being a year old. We had zero answers and really had no idea what Abigail’s future held. We were just beginning our journey into special needs and all that entails. I felt it was time to share our simple story and let people know we still had hope! Today Abigail is a few weeks from being a three-year-old and I am two years into my blogging journey. Two years of sharing Abigail’s story and the blessing she has been to us.
A lot of people always share how joyful I am or how uplifting I am. How they always love my view of things and how hopeful I seem. I do want these posts to encourage and shine some positive light on the special needs community. Abigail’s joy is also fairly contagious and it’s hard to be pessimistic with her around. It’s easy to share the good things. It’s easy to talk about her progress and amazing willingness to learn. She really is always as happy as she seems to be in pictures. But there are hard moments in this journey too.
I titled my blog, “Loving through the Delay.” That’s my first goal is to love. Love God and love people. God has given me two very precious people to love and I love Jordan and Abigail with all I have. A lot of times they are the only two people I see all day long, and I am so thankful God has called me to be a wife and a mother. But through this developmental delay of Abigail’s it is sometimes hard to find the joy of the excitement or the good feelings. But it’s never hard to find love. So while we can’t always be happy through the delay, I can love through it. And by loving my family I hope I can learn to love unconditionally, and share this love with all we see.
This life is often lonely. It can make you crazy with jealousy if you let it. I had to quickly stop the comparison game a long time ago when Abigail’s peers passed her up. Now when I see a friend’s 5 month old already crawling it only hurts a little bit. It makes me sad to think about all Abigail is missing out on. It breaks my heart every test we have to have. Every doctor appointment makes me nervous because I never know what they will say or what other test they will order. And now we are starting the scary world of public school special needs education. Special needs is not a journey for the faint of heart.
But this journey is not without its rewards. I have met some amazing moms who have traveled this path ahead of me, and they are all amazing and wise! I have often heard these moms express that their children have made them better people. That their children have built their faith up, and helped them believe in miracles. These moms have gumption, passion, hope and a love like you won’t find anywhere else. These precious children God has blessed us with show us a whole new world many people don’t get to experience and I am privileged to be Abigail’s mom.
Abigail is still a handful. She is beginning to learn to say, “no” and to communicate her wants. This is amazing, but it also means there is a lot more whining and kickback than usual. It’s a new chapter of toddler independence we are entering and I’m not sure how to handle it sometimes. It’s tough for Abigail because she thinks she’s independent, and I try to let her be but there are just some things she cannot do – well there’s a lot of things. Like now that she thinks she’s a pro at walking, she will just start taking steps whether you’re ready or not. Well if you aren’t holding her to topples over, but she doesn’t know that she will because we have never let her topple over. So she takes off while you are getting all adjusted and you have to stop her. Then she gets mad you won’t let her walk. So how do you teach a very independent little girl that she is still very dependent without losing her independent spirit? That’s my newest dilemma.
I plan to blog more about many of these things later – about how special needs children can change your whole outlook on life, and how I can see life with such joy and potential, but tonight I just want to soak in some sweet memories these last two years of held. To see Abigail’s progress in my posts, and to read what I wrote for these last two years has been amazing. I never planned for this blog to last, and I don’t know what it’s future holds. But I am thankful for each of you, my readers. I am thankful to have a way to share a little of our story. I am thankful for my precious little girl and my amazingly, supportive husband who prof-reads most of these posts. For now I plan to keep writing posts as they come and to keep loving Abigail through this delay. Delay is normally a negative word. No one likes delays, but I am grateful for her delay. I am about to have a little three-year-old in my house, and this delay helps me soak in all my minutes with her a little longer. This delay is never what we hoped for, but it’s helping us learn to be the people God has called us to be. It’s teaching me servant hood like nothing else could. And it’s helping me learn what love is – true, unconditional love. There will be lots more posts to come as this little girl continues to grow and amaze us all!!!